I myself am no connoisseur of Marvel movies, but recently I was exposed to the film “Morbius” in theaters. And let me tell you, reader, I don’t need to understand the Marvel universe to know that this movie is horrible.

 The film centers around Micheal Morbius (Jared Leto), a world-renowned doctor and the creator of artificial blood that has saved millions around the globe. However, Dr. Morbius also has a crippling autoimmune disease that has no cure. His life goal is to find the cure and create a better future for those afflicted with this same disease, and he will do anything to achieve this.

As it happens, he does find that cure in the form of a serum he creates with Dr. Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona) that contains the genes of blood sucking bats. It comes with the cost of becoming an actual vampire who needs human blood to survive. After injecting himself with the serum, he has all of the powers of a bat, including echo location and flight. Luckily, he can sustain himself on the artificial blood he created, but not for very long. The police catch on to him and soon begin to hunt the doctor down. 

First of all, the movie was released on April 1, making it the greatest and most elaborate April Fools’ prank to date.

My main critique: Jared Leto. Don’t get me wrong, I think he has the perfect look for the character of Dr. Morbius. If you compare him with the Marvel comics that the movie is based on, Leto looks just like the guy. But looks aside, I feel like Jared Leto as an actor is too goofy for the character of Morbius, as Morbius seems to be a fairly awkward character and has stayed away from people most of his life, but then he makes some kind of out-of-nowhere comments and jokes that don’t come off as in character.

When it comes to the whole bat genes plot of the movie, it is never explained why or how the genes of a bat specifically evolved to drink human blood was supposed to do anything but turn someone into a vampire. Morbius takes the serum, and he (surprise-surprise) turns into a crazy freak vampire, and then is buff and completely cured of his disease. How are we, as the audience, supposed to just go along with that and pretend that makes any sense?

Furthermore, I feel as though the rating of the movie is not very accurate. Though not too graphic, there is a massive amount of violence in the movie and it has quite a few moments that made me jump in my seat. I feel like the only reason the movie was marketed as PG-13 was because none of the characters swore at any point during the movie. That being said, though I don’t feel it should be an R-rated movie, it seems too violent for younger audience members.

Another problem I have is the movie’s conflict. Morbius is a sort of anti-hero, so the role of villain goes to his best friend, Milo (Matt Smith). Milo is certainly a character. He is affected by the same autoimmune disease as Morbius. As an adult, Milo finds out about Morbius’ serum and how it cured him of the disease. So within what feels like a minute of hearing of it, Milo injects himself with it and is also a vampire. In the movie, Milo has a 38-second long dance scene of just himself dancing in a mirror and nothing else. It was very unnecessary and odd to watch.

One thing I did enjoy was how they applied the powers of a bat to Morbius. Though unrealistic, the power of echolocation and giving Morbius the ability to fly off of sound waves alone is very cool. The actual design of Morbius and his character is also interesting, and I think it was thought out pretty well.

Overall, the film has very bad flow. Story points seem lazily strung together by a mediocre and predictable plot. The movie is an hour and 45 minutes long and by the time you’re nearing the end, you’re asking yourself, “How is this going to come to an end?!” The answer to that question: a very overcomplicated and loud fight scene where someone dies and then the credits run. 

I give the movie Morbius a 3/10. It’s dry and unflavorful. Kind of like Jared Leto. But as I said, I do like bats, so they get three points for that. However, don’t waste your time watching “Morbius.”