Fostering can be a beautiful gift families can offer to those who are dealing unsuccessfully with life’s problems. It gives second chances to parents struggling to make a living, supporting an already large family or dealing with personal issues such as drug abuse or mental problems. It is a choice that many families get praised for — they seem like saints, doing a great deed and saving children from the possible rough households that they have grown up in.
However, many don’t look at the opposite side of the experience. It is believed that fostering is not a choice for the weak and isn’t a fit for everyone. It can consist of many late nights, interruptions to set-in-stone schedules and heart-wrenching goodbyes. Many people like to praise those who take the time and effort to support those children in the foster system, putting them on a high pedestal. Yet one foster family believes in the exact opposite. The Brandts see themselves the same as everyone else and have a distinct belief in fostering and adopting: it isn’t for the heroes, but for your average human being.
Laura Brandt and her family have fostered over 13 kids in their seven or so years involved with the fostering system. They have had children in their home for days, weeks, months and even years, with one foster sibling staying with them for two and a half years. Laura says she understands the struggles and the patience it takes to deal with the foster process, but doesn’t see herself as a type of hero, rather a normal human doing her job to help others.
“If I would have been born into different circumstances, or if I would have just made a couple bad choices, I am no better than (they) are. I could be in that same place,” Laura said. “We are only a few poor choices away from devastating things…(and) as a mom, knowing there is another mom out there that doesn’t get to parent because I do is hard and sad.”
Although Laura claims to be nothing like a hero, the Brandt family has gone through a lot to be able to offer these kids a loving and supportive home. Laura has three biological children in high school, each with their own interests and individual lives that take up time and space. They are all involved in academic and extracurricular activities, needing rides and support from both of their parents. So when Lovely Queen, their most recent foster sister, was brought home two years ago, it flipped the switch dramatically.
“It can be really hard, but I know it is good and it is helping these kids a lot and it’s helping these families, and it’s good work that really needs to be done,” Annabelle Brandt (10) said.
As a newborn, especially one whose mother was addicted to drugs, getting a routine down was not simple or enjoyable all of the time. On top of that struggle, one that nearly every family faces, the Brandts are busy and always running around, so making time for naps and diaper changes can sometimes be a challenge. However, they make it work through dedication and a lot of sacrifice, bringling Lovely to all of their games, meets and performances, and making time for her schedule in the midst of theirs. The age gap is large, but the love the siblings have for their little sister is much larger.
“It’s definitely nothing our parents would have ever expected, so it is the craziest for them, but for us, I love it. I just love having a little baby that I can love and play with. I love it so much,” Norah Brandt (11) said.
But regardless of the copious amount of love and support her children offer, Laura can often feel a bit of guilt toward her biological kids.
“As a parent, you can sometimes feel guilty for asking your kids to sacrifice so much, knowing that it is for good, but as a mom it can be hard,” she said.. “Like, I’m sorry I’ve made you walk through this pain, because it’s super hard for me, too. But it’s important to remember that this world is not about us, but about serving and loving other people. We can love and serve God by loving and serving others, and if that is the only thing my kids ever learn from me, then that’s good.”
The step after foster care can go two ways: giving the child back to the custody of their parents or trusted guardian, or adoption. For the Brandts, they have gone with option two, and Lovely will be an official part of their family starting Jan. 13. While this is exciting according to Laura and her family, it is also a difficult decision to cope with.
“To get to say that she will legally be a part of our family is so wonderful, but the flip side of that is that there is a lot of sadness and brokenness in that, and for her mom, she doesn’t get to have her daughter, ever,” Laura said. “She loves her and she didn’t want to have to place her child for adoption. So even though it is really really wonderful for us to celebrate, and really beautiful and redemptive, it’s also sad. Foster care is about holding the balance. We are overjoyed, but also heartbroken.”
Families that have to give up their children don’t always want to, which is something that is widely looked over. Laura feels it’s important to understand that the homes of these children are not always hard or rough, and are sometimes loving and safe, but the parent has other aspects of their lives that need more attention. They care enough to give their child up for better care in hopes to gain them back, but when that doesn’t happen, it is something that may be mourned over. But after trusting God and his plan for them, Laura believes that adoption is the best option for Lovely and the Brandt family, and is more than excited to give Lovely a forever home.
“She is an amazing addition to our family and it is such a fun blessing to have a little bonus baby. I just think about when all of my big kids leave me and go to college and move on with their lives, I’ll still have my little Lovely,” Laura said.
When looking into the future, the family is unsure if they want to foster more kids or not. However, Laura makes it clear that it is not up to them.
“I have learned to zip my mouth. I can make plans, but God guides us and calls us to where he is going to guide us and call us, so if He has for our family that we are going to do more, we are going to do more,” she said.
But until then, they are happy with their family of six, with Lovely being the perfect addition. For Laura, it is important for people to understand that it doesn’t take some extra-special person to be a foster parent or a part of a foster family. She believes that they are average normal people, doing their best to support others.
“We are broken and make bad choices and are not always loving, just the same as everybody else,” she said. “We are just stepping into brokenness and helping where we can. It doesn’t take a superhero to be a foster parent. We are normal people.”